LoL
when I think about the "Master's Thesis in Fuckery with a summer internship at Fuckery Inc." I can't help but think of the Executive Protection Training Program I attended at the then Blackwater Training facility in Moyock, NC... (Think of a Special Operations base on steroids).. the place had the best of everything!
At any rate we were training with a bunch of Secret Service types who, of all things, were receiving additional training to protect our then President and other politicians. (This was back when the secret service was actually competent enough to protect a president and during an incident could draw and holster their weapons competently and without looking.. not like we all watched when the attempt was made on President Trump's life by some two bit punk!) But I digress.... Back to the Exec Protection training...
A group of us SWAT guys were invited to attend the training from the PNW and as it is a close knit community a couple very close friends and respected fellow TLs from neighboring teams were also attending... My brother from another mother, we'll call him JD (because that's actually his initials and his nickname) was also attending.. JD was a Ranger in a prior life and is as solid a teammate as anyone could ask for..
We arrived in NC, and as it was part of the requirements JD and I and another TL who's name was forgotten because he never accomplished anything memorable, rented some blacked out Suburbans to use during the training..
The first afternoon (Sunday) we arrived, got showm to our barracks, settled in and that evening we wanted to go out for drinks... Being a Sunday evening in that neck of the woods the streets were basically rolled up and everything was closed.. so we drove the Suburbans into town and hit the Piggly Wiggly looking for beer.. I ended up purchasing a couple mini kegs of Heineken just for the sheer volume.. as we returned to the parking lot, there was JD, and a couple others standing on the roof of my suburban pissing down the windshield, door windows, all over the door handles, etc laughing and giggling, before jumping into their ride and squealing away... and so the fuckery began..
The next night after a long day of training, JD called me up and said that he and a group of guys from training were having pizza and beers in the barracks and would I like to join them.. I knocked on his room and everyone was sitting around enjoying pizza and drinking beers. JD had the pizza box on his lap and told me to help myself, I lifted the lid and the fucker actually had his cock in the box! All the pizza was gone... Everyone got a good laugh, but that was two...
The shenanigans continued all through the training but come the end of training we were given a scenario and being required to conduct a scout of a venue, create an operational plan, give a full brief with a dossier, etc prior to graduating. We were broken out into teams and being type A personalities the competitive nature was running high between the teams.. JD and I were on the same team and had alternated as TLs throughout the training.. JD, being the lazy fuck that he is wanted to hang out at a cozy restaurant, drinking beers and "working on the draft for the briefing/presentation" and would be our TL and giving the presentation the next morning... Everyone else wanted to ham it up the last night and drink beers too so I volunteered to go out and scout the venues and take photos for the brief, etc.
No one suspected the evil that lurked in my heart, lol
.
I did go out and conduct the scout and I did get excellent photos and even went above and beyond to lie to the people at the venue and got them to give me a special tour so that I got great pics inside (gold stars plural for me!)
all through the night JD was hounding me for the pics so he could add them to the brief.
That night I returned and took a hot shower to wash away the day. In the shower I worked up a chubby, a big old drumstick
and took some complimentary photos of it.. being it was my own work I took the time to make them as flattering as possible.
The next day I purposely avoided JD and the team while I downloaded the pics to a thumb drive. They all went out to breakfast and they hurried off to class, JD frantically texting and calling me wanting the scout pics.
I waited outside the building and when JD was getting called up to the podium to give his presentation to the group of about 50 special operatives I raced in acting all apologetic and gave JD the thumb drive which I had previously actually borrowed from him. I addressed the class and apologized to them all and said that I was "just putting the final touches on our scout photos on JDs personal thumb drive"..
JD inserted the thumb drive and began his presentation.
To JDs credit he looks great in a suit and gives a terrific brief, he pulled up the photos after the brief (all of which were previously renamed by me) and started going through the approach, the main entry, etc. he was really eating up the fact that we had behind the scenes photos from within the venue when all of the sudden outrageous dick picks started popping up.. he visibly became embarrassed and flustered and the whole thing went to shit.. everyone was laughing.
That night, everyone was tired after a week of drunken debauchery and Special High Intensity Training so we ordered pizza and drank copious quantities of cheap beer and packed because we all had to fly out early in the AM and we still had to turn in rental cars etc.
As usual we were drinking beers in JDs room in the barracks and when he went to the pisser I discreetly dumped several empty cartridge casings in JDs carry-on along with some live ammo. This was post 9-11 and I knew that TSA would get a bigger hard-on than I could ever muster in the shower if they caught a "Mexican" looking dude with ammo in his carry-on.
That night, when nature called, I went to my room with an empty pizza box and shit in it.. then I carried it out to JDs suburban and emptied the contents all over his windshield with a big splat. A particularly big loaf that I was proud of at the time got positioned with a stick just so and I dropped the wiper blade on it length wise, knowing that if I was JD and someone had done the same thing to me I would just turn on the wipers. If he did that in this case it was just going to smush things around real good.
The next morning, as is typical with that group everyone was running late. The guys riding with me got let in on the secret at the last minute and we were all loaded up, engine running watching..
JD and crew trotted out to their ride and instantly could smell something was off. The look of horror on his face when he realized what had happened was priceless and still brings a tear of joy to my eyes today
.
Of course he tried the wipers and to his dismay it made things worse!
We raced to the rental place and returned our suburban then hustled through security to our flights.
Back then I always flew armed and was certified as a Fed Air Marshal and I just couldn't sleep or drink during the flights, so I didn't have to go through the normal security routine and was allowed to board first. JD and company preferred to drink and snooze so they had to go through security like everyone else.
The rental car place wouldn't accept the vehicle with shit all over the windshield so JD had to go use their pressure washer set-up to clean it off before they would take it.
By the time he got done and ran to security he was already way late.
Security found the ammo in his carry-on and as I suspected he was detained and questioned and ultimately missed his flight.
Proving once again that he who fucks first, doesn't necessarily get the last fuck in!
Attached photo is of me (far left back) and JD to my left also back, and the rest of the sunshine band at the "Blackwater Inn" which was our barracks..
"put people over here and over here.. do not let that SOB in here!" I'm not sure that bodes well for me getting an invite to an Outrider event 
