Stupid Sayings!

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gelhaargerald

Active member
My grandma had some good ones, hell my entire family has them.

Your ass is grass and I am the lawn mower.

If someone asks a question and the answer is yes.

Does Bill Cosby make a strong drink?

If a 5lb robin fat?

Is a ducks ass water tight?

I could go on but I will leave some for others.
 
gelhaargerald said:
My grandma had some good ones, hell my entire family has them.

Your ass is grass and I am the lawn mower.

If someone asks a question and the answer is yes.

Does Bill Cosby make a strong drink?

If a 5lb robin fat?

Is a ducks ass water tight?

I could go on but I will leave some for others.
Click to expand...
If it’s stupid but it works, it’s not stupid
 
A few from my grandpa and Dad:

“He’s all hat and no cattle.”

"Don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you"

"He/She is nuttier than a squirrel turd"

"I wouldn't shit you, you're my favorite turd"

"Quit following me around kid! If I fart I'll put it in a jar and save it for you"

"Damn that woman is tall! If we were nose to nose my toes would be in it and if we were toes to toes my nose would be in it"
 
Working with truckers, I’ve heard some good ones over the years.

If my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle.

I’d tell you that’s a good idea but then we’d both be wrong.

On matters of money:
That guy’s so tight, he squeaks when he walks.

I’ll give you a penny for your thoughts or a dollar to shut the fuck up. Your choice.

With my luck, it could be raining boobs and I’d still look up and catch a dick.

She had beautiful blue eyes. One blew this way and one blew that way.

Also have a buddy who always ends a phone call by saying “Take ‘er easy. And if she’s easy, take ‘er twice.”
 
Wish I could take credit for these, but courtesy of my grandma circa early 1900s 📍rural Northwest Arkansas. *disclaimer- my mom is 1st gen Christian so there’s still a few things we workin out the bloodline 🙃*



“She don’t know shit from apple butter”= Someone she would deem made her lose IQ points just looking at them 👀



There’s so much shit in this room it’s ass deep to a 10 ft Indian (we’re Native American so it’s ok😂🪶 )



For winter: It’s Colder than a witches tit



For a southern summer: it’s hotter than satans asshole out here



For unreasonable requests: “you can shit in one hand and wish in the other and see which one fills up faster”



Great sales at the Walmarts! Or the Dillards!: “I got em Cheaper than a $3 hooker”



“she was elbow deep in his business she coulda wretched up his butt and talked for him.” =don’t be a Karen



“I’m gonna knock ya into tomorrow/next week” (distance directly proportional to level of stupidity)



“I’d like to snatch her bald headed”=you want to make sure you’re not on the receiving end of this 👌🏼



“Sweatin like a wh$*e in church”—also for the armpit of Satan summers



There are plenty more but as she’d say, those are for sailors and ships and require a pack of Pall Malls and at least a pint of Makers Mark on a day that ends in y. 🌊 🚬 🥃
 
Knee high to a fart blossum

I can explain it to you 10 different ways, but I can't understand it for you.

Let's go see if it'll gee-haw

God willing and the Creek don't rise... ("Creek" being the Indian tribe as opposed to the stream, as explained by my dad way back when)

Whip a U-ey (pronounced uhey) Nebraskan for "U Turn"

Gayer than AIDs

Worthless as tits on a boar hog

and on..and on...
 
I found the old notebook where I’d written some of these down over the years. I present truckerisms, part 2:

Drier than a popcorn fart.

Hotter than a fresh fucked fox in a forest fire

Shes got an ass that moves like two raccoons wrestling in a burlap sack

Smells like week old dog shit rolled in burnt hair

That fella down at the QuikTrip has a mean case of summer teeth. Summer there and summer gone

I’ve been busier than a two dollar hooker

The chances of that happening are slim and none, and Slim just left town

I’m over here working harder than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest and that sumbitch moves slower molasses in January

That road’s muddier than an outhouse on taco Tuesday
 
Living the dream in (my manager's) nightmares....

Answer to any "yes" question: Is the Pope still Catholic?

"JUUSSSST a bit outside...." in your best Bob Uecker, and needing to walk away fr someone with the same sense of humor...
 
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